Imagine this:
A hostel in a small neighborhood in South Africa—greenery surrounding you in every direction. The sound of a river flowing, laughter, guitar playing, conversations, and a pool that’s really cold. That was what debrief was like in South Africa.
After our time in Swazi, we spent a week in South Africa resting and reflecting on everything that had happened. It was a sweet surprise when we arrived at our hostel and were greeted with a warm welcome from Crazy Dave (more on him later).
We got settled into our rooms, backpacks scattered all over the floor. The hostel was filled with incredible photos and knickknacks Crazy Dave had collected over the years—everything from porcupine quills to a whole lot of marathon medals. Inside, it almost felt like a cave: dim but cozy lighting and the best couch ever. I ended up sleeping there more than in my bed.
When you stepped outside, it felt like you were in a rainforest. I saw monkeys swinging from the trees and lots of lizards running around. About a quarter mile down the road was a small nature preserve, which I visited a few times. It was pretty run-down and overgrown. One day, some friends and I crossed a small creek and bushwhacked through the woods. I found some really cool plants and one huge flower growing in the riverbed. The creek was freezing, and I really wanted to dunk myself under—so of course I did. It was so refreshing.
It was an amazing time, but it also had its downs.
One of those challenges was that the whole squad was back together again. We had been separated for about two months, only seeing each other briefly once or twice. Being together again was an adjustment. There was joy and gratitude, but I was also feeling something new—anxiety. It felt like I was losing something, maybe the security of being all men, or maybe even a friendship. At the time, I didn’t understand what I was feeling. One day during debrief, I ended up crying alone, confused about why.
During debrief, we had a worship night, and I was asked to sing. I didn’t feel completely solid about it, but I was willing. At the last minute, we changed the songs we were planning to sing, so I did a quick rehearsal with my friend Liv. She was playing guitar while I tried to sing, but I just couldn’t get it right. I started getting frustrated and leaned back in my chair, shutting down.
Liv looked at me and said, “Don’t just dissociate.”
She was right—that’s exactly what I was doing. I was irritated, so I closed off instead of dealing with it.
That moment made me rethink worship. Worship isn’t about performance or sounding good. It’s not even about us—it’s for God. He is so worthy of our praise.
When it was time to lead worship, I was pretty stressed. I started with prayer, and afterward I felt a sense of peace. Once we began, the entire plan went out the window. The worship was fully led by the Spirit. It was so freeing to sing to the Lord without a specific list of songs or words. I can confidently say that was the first time I led worship fully surrounded by and led by the Holy Spirit.
That night taught me that worship is beautiful when your heart is directed toward the Lord. When all we care about is how it sounds, we miss the point. In a way, that mindset says we have to sound or look good enough for Jesus—and that implies His blood wasn’t enough. I’m not saying it’s bad to sound good, but when that’s all we focus on, we’ve lost the heart of worship.
How amazing is it that we don’t have to be perfect for the Lord to love us? He delights in taking on our burdens—that’s why He died on the cross for you.
Romans 12:1 says:
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”
Worship is giving our hearts to Jesus. We can’t worship out of dead hearts. True worship flows from refined hearts—hearts that recognize God’s faithfulness and holiness.
After that night, I felt so filled with the Spirit and full of joy. I was incredibly thankful for what the Lord taught me through that experience.
During our time in South Africa, our team also reflected together on our time in Swazi. Mentors flew in from the States to help guide us and understand our team better. We talked through things that needed to be said. As men, we were honest and transparent about what we were dealing with. Through that, I came to know my brothers more deeply, and I grew a lot alongside them.
We practiced something called feedback—encouragement paired with constructive criticism. It may sound structured, but I love receiving feedback. It helps me see things I wouldn’t notice on my own, and it’s essential for growth. Together, we worked through issues and resolved them. It was beautiful.
Through this, I learned how valuable communication truly is. When something bothers you in a relationship, you have to bring it to the other person. If both people stay silent, resentment builds—and when it eventually falls, it won’t be pretty. Another huge lesson was learning to seek the Lord first. Too often, I react emotionally instead of bringing my thoughts and feelings to Him. How incredible is it that we can go to the Lord with everything?
When friendships and teams are built on good communication and centered on the Lord, growth is inevitable. I’ve been learning what it truly means to be a friend, and it’s been deeply fulfilling. What I learned in South Africa is now flowing into my time here in Malaysia.
Let’s backtrack to the moment I was crying during debrief. At the time, I brushed it off as being “overstimulated.”
Side note: I’ve never been a very emotional person—I bottled things up a lot.
One day during worship at the church we’re living in here in Malaysia, I started crying again. I didn’t understand why. It got so intense that I had to step outside. Sitting on the curb, I asked the Lord what was going on. I realized I was scared—scared of losing the incredible friendships I’ve made over the past four months (even though it feels much longer). That fear caused me to hesitate in growing closer to people.
Growing up on the mission field, I moved every one to three years since I was eight—often across oceans. I learned how to say goodbye. Sometimes I think I’ve gotten too good at it. And I don’t want that. I want friendships that last.
In that moment, the Lord asked me a simple but convicting question:
“Are you finding comfort in people or in Me?”
That hit hard. I realized I had been finding more comfort in people than in Him. Here in Malaysia, I’m learning to find comfort in the Lord first. There’s nothing wrong with leaning on people, but they will never comfort us the way the Lord can and does.
Everything I’ve talked about so far is what the Bible calls refinement.
Malachi 3:3 says:
“He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.”
So what does refining silver look like?
You take unrefined silver and hold a hot torch directly in the center—not on the edges, or impurities will remain. You wait patiently as the heat burns away the impurities, watching them vaporize into the air. The way you know the silver is fully refined is when you can see your reflection in it.
We are the silver.
The Lord is the silversmith.
The fire is the Holy Spirit.
God sits as a refiner and purifier of silver, patiently and intentionally working in our lives. Refinement brings conviction, repentance, and dependence. When we open our hearts to Him, He removes impurities, prunes us, and shapes us so we can bear more fruit and reflect Him more clearly.
He will never stop refining us. We will always be growing to look more like Him.
So let Him refine you—not just part of your heart.
Put your whole heart in the fire.
In the next blog I will touch more on what ministry is like here in Malaysia and the cool people I’ve met here.
fundraiser update :))))
I am 67% raised as of the 30th of December…only $6,423 away from being fully funded! I want to thank you all for the support you have given me on this mission. I know that together I will get fully funded by you guys and it makes me so grateful. For those who want to continue to help me on this mission here is a link to my fundraiser page:)
Another thing I have to touch on are some unexpected costs concerning food. Here in Malaysia we have to pay some out of pocket costs for our food and I’m running on about no money right now. I made a budget today. It cost me about $50 per week for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. The money included in my fundraiser is not nearly enough to cover food costs here. If any of you are led to help me out with food costs this is a like for that. Thank you in advance.
Thank you so much for reading!
- Bridger
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